Beyond The Desk

I just had a mental break down at work, over the DUMBEST thing ever and I now need to talk about what the hell it is I do over here. I work for a non-profit career development center, helping people get their shit together and find work. My role in the whole deal is to meet with new clients, get their story, make them feel comfortable and really get to know them. I help construct their resume and introduce them to the company. Pretty much when they walk into this building the 2nd, 3rd, 527th time I need to know who the fuck they are and say "YO WHAT UP LONG TIME NO SEE HOWS THE JOB SEARCH, HOWS THE KIDS, HOWS GRANNY DOING, ANY BETTER?!?!!?" If I dont remember their face I get real sneaky asking questions until I figure it out. Most of the people coming in and out of here have just about had it with life and need someone to be awesome, supportive, and make them feel like they are the only person we are dealing with. At about 2:15pm I got a call from a returning client, who I know almost everything about,  and she wanted to let me know she was going to be able to make her appointment at 2:30pm but might be a little late. When she walked in at 2:45pm I had an absolute brain fart and made up a fake name for her in my head and truly believed it was her correct name. After realizing I had it all wrong I started belly laughing in her face and couldnt control it. I was in complete hysterics and there were co workers billowing out of their offices to see what the shit dick was happening in the front lobby. At this point I had tears streaming down my face, holding on to the now correctly named client, trying to explain myself. Usually Im the one with a smile on hiding my cold dead heart while they cry about their god awful lives, but this time it was me crying, laughing, and I havent checked yet but probably pooping my pants. I was a fucking mess.

Now that I am on the subject of work I would also like to put into words how much of a turd one of the bitches I work with is. She came out of god damn nowhere about 4 months in of me working here. I like red hair dont get me wrong, I sometimes use that shit in a box that smells like cat piss to color my hair a strange tint of red, but this douche has Mufasa hair. Big and stupid. She comes over to my desk about every 20 minutes asking me about certain clients and when the last time I talked to them was, its fucking annoying. When she isnt asking questions shes telling me about how romantic her 6'9" 140 pound boyfriend is, who I am sure she crushes to death in bed. Thinking about them makes me down right sick. Another thing about her that makes me want to rip my own stomach cavity out and feed it to some hungry bears is when she talks about her doing yoga. If she thinks for a second I believe shes doing yoga she is a fool. The thing really grinding my gears lately is how "sweet" and "thoughtful" shes PRETENDING to be. I can see right through her freckles and into the Cruella Deville like soul of hers. I just sit here waiting for the day a skinless puppy runs out of her office.

All this work talk has me not knowing how to act. I need a damn beer.